It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. But as I think back to those days I am also reminded of happy times and fond memories.
Today it is ten years since my friend Alan tragically died. Alan was not someone I knew for a long time and he was not someone I would have called a close friend but he will always hold a place in my heart. I don’t want to go into the details of his death but it was an unfair, dark event that will stay with me forever. There are various newspaper articles you can read online. I don’t feel the need to post them here.
I had just left school and started my BTEC in Popular music Studies at Thornes Park College in Wakefield in September 2001. Leaving all my friends behind as they continued on to Sixth Form. I had never been so nervous in my whole life. On the first day, there was such an eclectic mix of people and this was the first time I had ever been around others that wanted to pursue music in the same way I did. A lot of the students there had already studied on a foundation year and had formed friendships between them. Then there was a small handful of us that had broken away from our old groups and moved on as individuals. We all tried to blend into the background while those familiar with their surroundings took the lead. One guy stood out though. He had mad-crazy blonde hair and very pale features. He was older than the rest of us and he was certainly a character. His West Country accent was comical enough for us but it was his cheeky and confident attitude towards everything that had us all laughing. If I recall correctly, on our first day he wore a t-shirt that sported a huge ‘A’ on the front, with ‘aardvark’ written in small font underneath. For some reason everyone found this t-shirt hilarious, probably because his name was Alan and it became clear through his sense of humor that the choice of shirt was probably deliberate. He would continue to poke fun at himself and his rather obscure surname ‘Kneebone’ when it was time for everyone to introduce themselves.
The thing about Alan was everybody loved him. And I don’t just say that because he is no longer with us, everybody genuinely loved him. He was funny and sweet, he brought our group together. He was talented and cheeky and he brought out the best in others, including our tutors. There really is no good reason why he shouldn’t be here anymore.
I found it really hard to make friends at college. I felt as though I had folded into myself and hidden from everyone. I was so scared that nobody would like me. I had barely found my own identity. I used to come to college dressed in different styles everyday trying to work out who I was. I didn’t like me. How could anyone else? I was also intimidated by the amount of talent around me. In school I was the only singer. I was the only person who had really pursued popular music in this way, any other musicians had gone down the classical route.
Alan changed all that. Have you ever seen Disney’s Cinderella? You know the fat mouse that Cinderella rescues at the beginning of the movie? That’s me. And Alan was Cinderella. He was the guy who peered into my self-built cage and said “Hey there little guy, it’s ok, you can come out now”. Only then did I start to take my baby steps into a ‘social life’.
One morning Alan and I both arrived late to a composition class. We were told to leave by our tutor Brian;
“If you’re going to come late, you won’t come in at all”.
Alan and I just sat there pondering what to do for the next 2 hours.
“Fancy popping into town?”
So Alan and I headed into Wakefield City Centre where we had coffee, perused the shops and got to know each other a little better. As we walked down the precinct we were stopped by a female charity worker. I forget the name it was but I know it was a charity for children. At first we brushed the girl off as you often do in those sitations but as we continued walking Alan said to me
“You know what? I always so no to these things and I dont know why. I’m going to say yes for a change”.
I watched the girl’s face beam as we walked back to her and as Alan gave her his details, we were in fits of laughter as he pointed out to us that his bank card read as ‘A Kneebone’.
We headed back to Alan’s car to find he had been ticketed for not paying and displaying. He caught up with the parking attendant and told him he had parked his car, only to realise he had no change and had popped to a shop to get some. Alan paid for an hour and the attendant removed the ticket. This was pure Alan charm.
I will never forget what he said to me as we drove back to college,
“I’ve had a great morning, I’m glad I was late now!”.
That was the only lengthy period of time I ever spent with Alan. I dont claim to have been a best friend or that I was more affected by his death than the person next to me. Everyone was affected.
After getting up the courage to interact with my new fiends I decided to go to a gig at McDermott’s bar in the city centre and everyone from college was there. I had so much fun but left early to meet my then-boyfriend from his bar job.
Just a few weeks after that I was out on the town with one of my girlfriends. Despite only being 16 we drunkenly stumbled out of a nightclub just a few streets away from McDermott’s. As we walked past the end of the street we saw an ambulance parked outside. Crowds and crowds of people blocked the view of whatever was going on but we laughed it off as we continued to the taxi rank,
“Probably just another p**shead got into a scrap” we said.
I watched my friend off in a taxi that night and stayed over at my boyfriend’s. He lived in the centre of town and said he would walk me to college the next day as I didn’t have a lecture until the afternoon.
The next day my bf and I set off from his apartment by the old Bus station, we walked past the bar I worked at on weekends and past the closed kebab shops and take-aways that had been so busy the night before. There was nothing particularly interesting about that walk. However, as we approached another stretch of small business’ I saw one of my college friends. I smiled and said ‘hi’ and then I noticed another and another and another. I realised that almost everyone from college was there. They were all gathered outside a florists and some of them were holding white lilies.
“Is everything ok?” I asked.
It was then I discovered that Alan had gone.
A week or so later our college arranged a coach to travel to Yeovil, Alan’s hometown, for the funeral. I had never been to funeral before and it was heartbreaking. Several of Alan’s songs were played during the ceremony and I remember how is voice during ‘Riverside’ echoed through the church. It was so haunting yet so comforting at the same time. After meeting Alan’s family and leaving messages for them in a memory book they had put together, we began the long coach trip home. I sat next to Richard Swift, better known as Swit, the whole journey. He talked about his girlfriend (now wife) Katie and I told him about my boyfriend. We discussed music, tv and he introduced me to ‘Lost Prophets’. Although I don’t see Swit much these days, I will always regard him as one of my best friends. I sometimes wonder if Swit and I would have become such good friends if we hadn’t sat together on that bus. We would never have been on that bus if we hadn’t had to go to the funeral. Swit took me under his wing after Alan died and I imagine Alan saying,
“Well, somebody’s got to look after her!”.
The events following Alan’s death were a bit of a blur for me. My Mother didn’t know how to approach the situation and so I refused to go home. I would stay out all day with my friends, at my work, with my boyfriend. Anywhere to be away from home. Somewhere in these weeks we held a memorial concert for Alan, where some of the students sang and performed songs by artists that reminded us of him and even songs that he had written. It was an uplifting event that Alan’s family and friends had traveled from Yeovil to attend. I can’t listen to ‘Drops of Jupiter’ by Train or ‘Babylon’ by David Gray without feeling a little sad or thinking about Alan and his family. I shouldn’t say ‘sad’, it’s more a feeling of ‘melancholy’.
Ten years on and I can’t believe so much time has passed. I read about Alan and speak to some of his friends when I can. I think about his Sisters and what I would do if I ever lost my little brother. I am a Mother now and in all honestly, I don’t think I could survive the loss of my Son. I have so much admiration for this family and their strength. How they have come together and how they have kept Alan’s memory alive despite how hard it must have been. Tomorrow the ‘Alan Kneebone Music Awards’ will be held at a venue in Yeovil in Alan’s memory. It is amazing to see all these people come together to celebrate Alan’s passion and spirit.
Wow, there is so much I haven’t told you but there really is no need. All you really need to know is that Alan was a wonderful, high spirited man that touched the lives of everyone around him. He had a drive and passion like no other I have ever seen. He brought joy and happiness to those he met. He will be on my mind and in my heart every day. Anything else you can find on the Alan Kneebone Family Site by click on the picture below. You can hear some of his early bedroom recordings and read about his life from the people who knew him best. I didn’t know him at all really, I just know that he was spectacular.
In loving memory of Alan Kneebone. Your music is our Medicine.
